Monday 20 May 2013

Rusty The Un-Sly Fox

Sitting downwind from a nearby farm, Rusty the fox could smell chickens. His stomach started to rumble. "Time to get myself some lunch", thought Rusty, so he straightened his bow tie, wiped a speck from his shoe and headed for the farm.
But did he sneak up to that farm like a fox should? Did he creep and prowl cunningly under the cover of bushes and shrubs? Did he slip ever so quietly under the fence of the chicken coop, and swipe an unsuspecting hen silently off her eggs without anyone knowing he was there?
Did he heck!! He just pranced up to the coop, as bold as brass, cleared his throat loadly, and rapped on the gate.
Mable the chicken popped out her head.
"Good afternoon chicken. My name is Rusty the fox, I am very hungry and I wish to eat you for my lunch. Please spare me any trouble and come with me please."
"I'll just get my coat", replied Mable...... "Hold on a minute! You're a fox. What are you doing? You're supposed to creep in without sound and snatch me away slyly. This isn't right!"
"I beg your pardon?" said Rusty. "I'm asking you nicely. I'm ravenous, you look delicious and I wish to eat you. Now kindly follow me and try not to waste any more time."
"BA..BA...BACK OFF FOX!" yelled Mable. "You do this properly or not at all, do you hear? I am a chicken and you just treat me like one! Creep up on me slyly, sneak into my coop and whisk me away in a flurry of flying feathers, like I deserve. You got that?"
"Really?" asked Rusty. "You would prefer it that way?"
"Yes I would. Now, if you don't mind, I'll go back to my eggs and we'll start this again. I want sly and cunning,OK?
"Very well...as you wish." Then confused and still hungry, Rusty returned to the forest.
"Sly and cunning...sly and cunning", he mumbled. "I think I can manage that."
He got down on his paws and made his way back to the farm as slylty as he could.
Meanwhile, back at the coop, mable was very excited. "Oh, I can't hear a thing!" she whispered to herself. "This is much better. Much, much better!"
Just then Rusty popped out of the last bush, head down and full of cunning. His feet hit the stone path and....CLIP, CLOP, CLIP, CLOP, CLIP, CLOP!!"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" screamed Mable. WHY ARE YOU WEARING SHOES?!? IN ALL MY LIFE...DO YOU KNOW WHAT QUIET MEANS? GO BACK AND DO IT AGAIN, AND TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!!!"
"I do apologize", Rusty stuttered. "I don't know what I was thinking. I do beg your pardon".
And back he went, took off his shoes and tried again.

Head down and wiley, he crept and stalked barefoot through the trees and bushes. He'd never felt so cunning in all his life. "Oh yes!" he thought to himself. "I think I've got the hang of this. She'll never know I'm there."
Meanwhile, back at the coop, Mable was shaking with anticipation., and very impressed with the foxes slyness. "Perfect!" she chuckled. "I have no idea there is a fox about! This is marvelous!"
At that moment, Rusty sprang silently out of the last bashand hit the path without a sound. But as he crept, his toe hit a stone and Rusty let out an almighty yell.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" screamed Mable, eyes popping out of her head. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, THIS IS A JOKE! YOU CALL YOURSELF A FOX?!? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU! GO BACK AND TRY AGAIN, AND THIS TIME.....BE QUIET!"
"I feel like such a fool. My deepest apologies chicken. Please forgive me."
Then back Rusty went, feeling terribly ashamed and incredibly hungry.

Rusty was determined this time. He took off his jacket and bow tie and stooped to the floor. Then like a fox(for he was a fox) he made his return, in the most cunning fashion he could manage. "This is more like it!" he smiled. "My paws are barely touching the ground I am so sly. I'm as slent as a breeze. Not a soul in the world knows I am here. Well done me!"

Meanwhile, back at the coop, Mable was like a child on Christmas Eve. "Oh what a fox! What a wonderful fox! He is an example to all foxes. I don't remember ever being crept upon a swell as this. He could be anywhere! How exciting!"
Rusty was really in the swing of things. He was a perfect example of sly. Like a fox colored stream gliding through the bushes and trees. He popped out of the last bush as silent as a ghost and slid beautifully across the stone path and up to the gate. He had a choice. Over the top, or under the fence. He thought for a moment. Then, he stood up, rapped loudly on the gate and called,
 "My dear chicken! I have arrived, and I am starving! I insist that you let me eat you!"

"WHA...WHA...WHA...WHAT!?! Mable screamed. I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! THAT IS IT! I GIVE UP!
Rusty panicked. "Oh, I beg you chicken, please give me one more chance. I am as hungry as a horse!"
"Mmmm...very well. But this time, PLEASE sneak under the fence . I don't want to hear a peep from you!"
"I shall do just that," said Rusty and returned to the forest as quick as he could.
"Sneak, prowl, slip, crawl, swipe", he muttered to himself. "Sneak, prowl, slip, crawl, swipe....Oh, bless my soul, I AM hungry!"

He got down low and focused. he knew what to do. He visualized the approach. Then, like a flash, he was off. A fox shaped arrow slipping like mercury through the forest. He was sly at it's best. Cunning at its most cunning. Never before had a fox approached a chicken coop with such stealth.

Meanwhile, back at the coop, Mable was beside herself. "This is wonderful! The fox is taking me for a fool. This is the height of sly! I could kiss that fox for being so cunning! I really have no inkling of his whereabouts! My, oh, my, oh my! I feel totally outsmarted! Wonderful, wonderful fox!"

Rusty popped out of the last bush in a silent blur and glided across the stone path and up to the gate. Then without the slightest whisper, he dug a hole under the fence and slipped under. He was close. Very close. And no one had any idea! "This is going swimmingly", he thought to himself. Then, with his head down, he crawled on his belly like a snake on wheels . Silently, closer....closer....closer..closer...then....
CRASH!!!! He ran face first intot he coop and broke his nose!
"YYYOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

"WH...WH....WH.....WH.....WHAT WAS THAT?!? screamed Mable. ARE YOU CRAZY?!? GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! AND DON'T COME BACK! THS CHICKEN IS OFF THE MENU! GOODBYE!"
And with that, she stormed back inside the coop and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Charming!" said Rusty holdng his nose. "She could use a few manners. I do believe I have lost my appetite".
And with that, Rusty the fox went home, put on his clothes and shoes and sat down to think about what he could have for dinner that night.

Definately, NOT chicken!

                                                    THE END

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1 comment:

  1. Utterly adorable! The chicken is advising the fox on how to hunt and catch her. Perfect! And why? Because one should always use manners when eating! LOL

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